Reflecting....

Well the fall 2011 semester is over. I made the deans's list. (happy, happy)

It is strange when the semester ends, it just sort of seems anticlimactic. All the homework, projects, and test are suddenly over. Done. I find myself looking around like what do I do now? I have been caught up in this race for the past 4 months, I crossed the finish line, I am doubled over with my hands on my knees, red faced, trying to catch my breath. There is now this void to be filled.

I think I have forgotten how to relax.

I have to keep focusing on why I am in school. My greatest desire is to make a difference in the lives of others. I feel like my "life" is on hold at times while I am in school.

Sometimes I feel like I am missing out on something... Am I?

I just keep thinking the best is yet to come. Until then, this is my life....

School's Out!

I took my Geometry final today. It's over. I am looking froward to seeing my final grade. I feel like I did really well on the test. But, we shall see...

It was a long day. I studied most of the day before I took the test at 2:00. After the test I worked a ball game.

I did get a picture of Shelby Miller:)

Thankful...

Well, tomorrow is my Geometry final. This time tomorrow night I will be a happy girl. I will have a full month off from school before the fall semester begins.:)

I have had a pretty good summer so far.

trip to STL with my sister-in-law,

wonderful times at the lake,

working my extra jobs

Kicking back, enjoying the view.

I am truly blessed and thankful.

I listened to a song called Seasons today by Nichole Norderman. I just love this song, and I love the season of life that I am in.

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

Western Sizzlin?

First piece of information that you need to know before you read any further is, Allary's office is right next to the Missouri Career Center. It is a great place to go if you are looking for a job, BUT... If you are simply walking down the sidewalk on your way to the post office you might meet some really interesting or even strange people.

Today I was enjoying the sunshine and trying not to breath as I walked by a group of people smoking and standing outside the MCC doors. Then I heard a man say, "hey, hey lady! Do you know where there is a Western Sizzlin around here?"

Wait, What?? Is he talking to me? Western Sizzlin? I don't think I have seen a Western Sizzlin in a long time, but then again I have not been looking. I told the man I was not sure and he might want to look in a phone book.

Then he asked, (because I appeared to be a professional and full of random knowledge???) "who pays more Ryan's or The Sizzlin?"

I this point I am sure I have a confused look on my face, I shook my head and said " dude, you've got me me there, I have no clue." I turned around and continued my trek to the post office.

Funny.

People Watching

This is the last week of summer classes!!! The final is on Thursday. I would think all that information was fantastic if the Springfield Cardinals were out of town. So, my week is going to be a little crazy. Today I worked at Allary (my regular job) from 8-2, I was in class from 2:30-4:55 then I went straight to the Hammons Field to work the game. I clocked out at 11:15. That makes for a long day.

But, I have to admit I love it.

People watching is great at the ballpark.

The sober and the not so sober

People watching is great at MSU.

The internationals, the want to be hippies, and the greek.

People are just interesting.

The Next 30 Days...

...I watched this video on Friday

Then... I went to dinner with a friend who ask me when I was going to start blogging again.

Well two years later... here I go... :)

I wish that I had kept up on my blogging. Between working at my regular job, working at Hammons Field and the arena at MSU, going to school full time, AND just living life, the past two years have been pretty great. I have many fantastic memories and stories. From this point on I am going to share those stories here.

Sunday, July 18, 2011 = Day 1

Getting Real...It is ok.

Here's something I wrote this summer:

I like to smile. As Buddy the elf says, “smiling is my favorite.” But, what if I don’t feel like smiling. You know what I have just figured out...it is ok. It is ok to have a rough day, week, or month. It is ok.

I have not written anything in this blog for whiles. Do you know what? That is ok. The past two years have been a whirlwind. I am proud to say that I have completed 68 hours at Missouri State University with a 3.48 GPA. Not too bad considering the hours that I put in working as well. It is ok.

Most of the time I have my head in the game of school, or work so much that the distractions of life are ignored or overlooked. I keep busy, not leaving extra time to think about what is going on around me. I want so badly to enjoy life, it just seen like I have to make the time and put it on the calendar a month in advance. But, It is ok.

Not everything can be placed on the calendar. What happens when everything stops and I have time to think about something other than school, or work? Well, today the tears flowed, I made a fool of myself and I came to a realization...I do not always have to be ok, and nor do I have to pretend that I am.

I will just say it, my 20’s sucked. There is no other way to put it. I was hurt all the way to my very core. But, I put on the Carla smile and said, “I am ok”....I held people at a distance and to a standard so high that no one could meet my exceptions. When people failed to meet my exceptions, I tried to fix them. I thought I was helping, (but most people don’t think they need to be or want to be fixed. silly me) All of this left me feeling detached. That is not ok. I am now realizing how much my experiences have shaped me.

Someone said to me, that I have to learn to trust again, If I don’t I will be missing out on the good stuff. I want the good stuff, I need the good stuff. I have said that I am a disaster at relationships. I am. I am 36 and single, and there is a reason for that. But, I have hope that I will someday be able to see the beauty in my scars, and be able to trust.

I know who I am:
-Carla - the daughter of Larry and Judy
-the granddaughter of Carl, Clara, Bob and Eula
-a sister
-an aunt
-a friend
-a student
-a hard worker
-a teacher
-a lover of life