Reflecting....

Well the fall 2011 semester is over. I made the deans's list. (happy, happy)

It is strange when the semester ends, it just sort of seems anticlimactic. All the homework, projects, and test are suddenly over. Done. I find myself looking around like what do I do now? I have been caught up in this race for the past 4 months, I crossed the finish line, I am doubled over with my hands on my knees, red faced, trying to catch my breath. There is now this void to be filled.

I think I have forgotten how to relax.

I have to keep focusing on why I am in school. My greatest desire is to make a difference in the lives of others. I feel like my "life" is on hold at times while I am in school.

Sometimes I feel like I am missing out on something... Am I?

I just keep thinking the best is yet to come. Until then, this is my life....

School's Out!

I took my Geometry final today. It's over. I am looking froward to seeing my final grade. I feel like I did really well on the test. But, we shall see...

It was a long day. I studied most of the day before I took the test at 2:00. After the test I worked a ball game.

I did get a picture of Shelby Miller:)

Thankful...

Well, tomorrow is my Geometry final. This time tomorrow night I will be a happy girl. I will have a full month off from school before the fall semester begins.:)

I have had a pretty good summer so far.

trip to STL with my sister-in-law,

wonderful times at the lake,

working my extra jobs

Kicking back, enjoying the view.

I am truly blessed and thankful.

I listened to a song called Seasons today by Nichole Norderman. I just love this song, and I love the season of life that I am in.

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

Western Sizzlin?

First piece of information that you need to know before you read any further is, Allary's office is right next to the Missouri Career Center. It is a great place to go if you are looking for a job, BUT... If you are simply walking down the sidewalk on your way to the post office you might meet some really interesting or even strange people.

Today I was enjoying the sunshine and trying not to breath as I walked by a group of people smoking and standing outside the MCC doors. Then I heard a man say, "hey, hey lady! Do you know where there is a Western Sizzlin around here?"

Wait, What?? Is he talking to me? Western Sizzlin? I don't think I have seen a Western Sizzlin in a long time, but then again I have not been looking. I told the man I was not sure and he might want to look in a phone book.

Then he asked, (because I appeared to be a professional and full of random knowledge???) "who pays more Ryan's or The Sizzlin?"

I this point I am sure I have a confused look on my face, I shook my head and said " dude, you've got me me there, I have no clue." I turned around and continued my trek to the post office.

Funny.

People Watching

This is the last week of summer classes!!! The final is on Thursday. I would think all that information was fantastic if the Springfield Cardinals were out of town. So, my week is going to be a little crazy. Today I worked at Allary (my regular job) from 8-2, I was in class from 2:30-4:55 then I went straight to the Hammons Field to work the game. I clocked out at 11:15. That makes for a long day.

But, I have to admit I love it.

People watching is great at the ballpark.

The sober and the not so sober

People watching is great at MSU.

The internationals, the want to be hippies, and the greek.

People are just interesting.

The Next 30 Days...

...I watched this video on Friday

Then... I went to dinner with a friend who ask me when I was going to start blogging again.

Well two years later... here I go... :)

I wish that I had kept up on my blogging. Between working at my regular job, working at Hammons Field and the arena at MSU, going to school full time, AND just living life, the past two years have been pretty great. I have many fantastic memories and stories. From this point on I am going to share those stories here.

Sunday, July 18, 2011 = Day 1

Getting Real...It is ok.

Here's something I wrote this summer:

I like to smile. As Buddy the elf says, “smiling is my favorite.” But, what if I don’t feel like smiling. You know what I have just figured out...it is ok. It is ok to have a rough day, week, or month. It is ok.

I have not written anything in this blog for whiles. Do you know what? That is ok. The past two years have been a whirlwind. I am proud to say that I have completed 68 hours at Missouri State University with a 3.48 GPA. Not too bad considering the hours that I put in working as well. It is ok.

Most of the time I have my head in the game of school, or work so much that the distractions of life are ignored or overlooked. I keep busy, not leaving extra time to think about what is going on around me. I want so badly to enjoy life, it just seen like I have to make the time and put it on the calendar a month in advance. But, It is ok.

Not everything can be placed on the calendar. What happens when everything stops and I have time to think about something other than school, or work? Well, today the tears flowed, I made a fool of myself and I came to a realization...I do not always have to be ok, and nor do I have to pretend that I am.

I will just say it, my 20’s sucked. There is no other way to put it. I was hurt all the way to my very core. But, I put on the Carla smile and said, “I am ok”....I held people at a distance and to a standard so high that no one could meet my exceptions. When people failed to meet my exceptions, I tried to fix them. I thought I was helping, (but most people don’t think they need to be or want to be fixed. silly me) All of this left me feeling detached. That is not ok. I am now realizing how much my experiences have shaped me.

Someone said to me, that I have to learn to trust again, If I don’t I will be missing out on the good stuff. I want the good stuff, I need the good stuff. I have said that I am a disaster at relationships. I am. I am 36 and single, and there is a reason for that. But, I have hope that I will someday be able to see the beauty in my scars, and be able to trust.

I know who I am:
-Carla - the daughter of Larry and Judy
-the granddaughter of Carl, Clara, Bob and Eula
-a sister
-an aunt
-a friend
-a student
-a hard worker
-a teacher
-a lover of life

SUMMER OF 2009 ~ Where does the time go?

It has been a long time since I have “blogged” WELL… Here I go… It has been a great summer. Here are the highlights….

Working the Springfield Cardinal games:
Selling foam fingers, caps, and t-shirts…Actually it is a lot of fun. I typically work outside in the “portable” where I can catch some of the game and visit with fans. It seems like everyone is in a good mood at the ballpark. I have worked in the Team Store several times this year. My co-workers are a hoot. Go Cards!

VBS:
I lead the training for Greene County Association for the Middle Children Teachers, and then taught the 4th graders at my church. We had an Outback theme this year which was pretty cool. I had the privilege of leading 2 girls to the Lord that week!:)

July Vacation Week #1:
A friend from college came to visit. It was a relaxing week. We hung out at the lake, went fishing, and to a ballgame. It was a nice change of pace for a week. I feel like I am always going in a dead run, and to just stand on the bank of the lake and fish was so peaceful. I did not catch many fish, but that is ok. A copperhead enjoyed the fish my friend caught!

Lake with the Fam:
What more can I say, I love my family. I have a blast every time I go! The Edward’s are pretty great too.

July Vacation Week #2
CAMP! The highlight of my summer! I had 10 terrific girls in my cabin. They were so enjoyable. We had a ball at the pool, the spring, and just hanging out in the cabin for “family time”. The services were phenomenal. Listening to 219 little girls sing was absolutely beautiful!

Well this summer is winding down… I will work for Allary full time for another two weeks. On August 24th I will be a full time student at Missouri State University!:) I will continue to work part time at Allary and at Hammons Field. BSF will resume September 14th

That is my summer in a nut shell… I am happy with my tan. I think I will hit the fair this weekend with Shelly. I hear there is a demolition derby on Sunday!

How to get a husband…

We had some new fabric come in today. Let me back up….I work in a sales office for a company that sells scissors, sewing notions, sewing baskets and such. We have a lot of fabric come to our office. We look through it to choose what we will show to our customers. It actually really is fun. It is always interesting to see the different tastes people have. Anyways….We had some samples come in today that were like 50’s retro. Most were very clever. One in particular was hilarious! It was called “How to get a husband”. It had advice on it such as:

Don’t argue…His always right.
When you meet his mother…smile
Show him you love housework
If he is the generous type…grab him
Don’t be too sexy
And the list goes on.

There are pictures to go along with each piece of advice. Funny Stuff!

If I had only had this list before now maybe there would have been some hope… Nah!:)

Looking for rainbows…

The title of the blog may paint a picture in you mind of someone skipping through a field, oh so, optimistically, looking for rainbows. Well I am not skipping, for one, I am 33 years old, and someone might have me committed. But I am looking for rainbows in this world.

It was sprinkling while I was driving to work this morning. But the sun was shining. So of course I started looking at the sky for a rainbow. (I promise I was careful, I kept my eyes on the road as well) This reminded that no matter what happen in life we can always look up to see something beautiful. No matter how the rain falls in the storms of life and we think that the sky is dark and filled with clouds there is a Light that we can look to! Jesus is that light! Will our situation immediately change when we look to him? Ummm, that has not been my experience. But what does change is my perspective. I can see past the storm, and have a hope of what is to come.

I am not in the middle of a storm right now. My life is going along pretty smooth. But I look around me and I see friends whose lives are simply in turmoil. It breaks my heart. I know if they simply look to Jesus and His word that they would have all the answers that they need. Ephesians 6:12 says: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” This is a verse that I remind myself of daily, it reminds me that my focus is to be on the Lord. When the “cruddy” circumstances and conflicts happen in life, it diverts our focus. When my “needs” (or what I think are needs but are actually wants) are not being met, when I don’t feel “warm and fuzzy” all over, where does my focus go? To ME! What good does that do?

I truly want to strive to live everyday with my focus on the Lord, and what he want me to do. I do not want to live with my head in the clouds where I do not see the needs of people around me. I want to live my life to the fullest, with eyes to see the hurts of others, so I can come along side of them and point them toward the hope that I have.

Here are the words to a song that I have been listening to a lot lately...

Mighty to Save

Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Savior;
The Hope of nations.

Savior, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.

My Savior, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.

Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...

Wonderful Weekend!

I just enjoyed a 4 day weekend! I did not go out of town or anything like that, but this weekend was a true pleasure! Thursday I worked for about 2 hours, then went home and got a lot accomplished. I did learn one thing though… If I did not have a day job I think I would have to have cable! There is nothing on network TV worth watching during the day. I have to admit that I had to watch Maury to see if Tyrell was really the father of Latisha’s baby! Oh, my word girl! (Just so you know I am being sarcastic!)
And, then of course no Thursday night is complete without tacos! Yumo!

Friday was a busy day. I attended the Missouri Baptist VBS training so I will be able to lead workshops for the Greene County Baptist Association. It was a good time and I gathered a lot of information that will be very useful. I tried to take a nap Friday night with no luck. My church had a lock-in that night. It started at 11:00 pm at Incredible Pizza. There, the night was filled with pizza, cinnamon rolls, skeeball, air hockey, and (for a few) Dance, Dance Revolution. (Yeah, I am too much of a white girl. I have no rhythm!) From there we drove back to church. I had three teenage boys in my car and it was quite entertaining to listen them sing with Taylor Swift. Good times….At the church the time consisted of silly games and broken eggs. Honestly it was a great lock-in. Everything was planned very well! I stayed at the church until 5:00. But it was not bedtime yet! I went home changed clothes and went to my BSF leaders meeting.

I made it to bed a little after 9:30 Saturday morning. I woke up around 3 and realized that I had talked to someone while I was asleep. (That is a strange feeling!) All I could remember is that I think I agreed to go to dinner with them that night. I picked up my cell phone and my question was answered. Yes, I had indeed spoken with someone. What all I said was still in question. I gave my friend a call and he said that I was rather funny. He had asked me how the lock-in went and I said “umm, I can’t think of the word”. He could have gotten me to agree to anything. I totally don’t remember anything from our conversation other than dinner (food is pretty important to me. ha)

Well, I did enjoy marvelous evening with a great friend. Dinner at Ocean Zen is always fabulous! Then we spent the rest of the evening laughing while watching a movie and talking. Lots of fun was had! I look back on that night fondly.:)

Well Sunday finished off my weekend. I had a kid ask me a question that I have been asked many times by students. Most of the time when I give the answer it is good enough for them. This time was a little different. During a transition time in Sunday School I had one of my fourth grade boys asked "Miss Carla, are you married?” I smiled and said “no”. Then he responded with another question, “what, so, you just never met anybody?” Hhmm… Well, back to the story of Elisha.

What a grand weekend! Not terribly eventful, but perfect for me. I love my life!

Creative Discipline…

Just had to share this bit of wisdom that a fourth grader shared with me Wednesday at Awana. We were in our small groups going over verses and somehow the girls got to talking about what their mothers did if the girls talked back to them. Well, one girl spoke up and said “I never back talk my mom, well I did once. You see she has a rule, if I do, then she gets to pick out my clothes for school the next day. Yeah, and she does not pick out things that I would wear, or that even matches.”

I thought that was so funny. I looked at her and said “your mother is one smart lady”. To which she smiled and nodded in agreement.

If I ever have a little girl, wow, I will be sure to remember that one!:)

Waiting for life to start....

Waiting for life to start, does that even make sense? You know the feeling of anticipation that you have at a ball game after you find your seat, become familiar with your surroundings, you have a hotdog in your hand and an ice cold drink. You stand for the National Anthem and then you are ready to hear the crack of the bat (or helmets depending on the game) You know that the excitement is about to start. Waiting…I don’t know why I find myself listening for the crack of the bat to know that ”life” has started. Life has started and I am in the middle of the game not just sitting in the stands watching. And It is a good game or um, life.:)

I love that I am independent. I truly enjoy living alone. I will not change who I am for any man. (This is not a down with men blog!, I would love to be in love…someday) But I am defined my relationships and roles. As a Christian, a daughter, a sister, a friend, & a teacher. I am so glad to be in this crazy “game” of life. And I refuse to just sit and watch from the cheap seats. I want to live a life of no regrets!

Can you tell I am ready for baseball season?!:)

This Hymn is My Prayer....

The following is a wonderful hymn by Kate B. Wil­kin­son. Kate wrote this song in 1925. This song is truly my prayer. I desire to have the mind of Christ. When you read these words, let them be a reminder of how we are to live our life.

May the mind of Christ, my Savior,
Live in me from day to day,
By His love and power controlling
All I do and say.

May the Word of God dwell richly
In my heart from hour to hour,
So that all may see I triumph
Only through His power.

May the peace of God my Father
Rule my life in everything,
That I may be calm to comfort
Sick and sorrowing.

May the love of Jesus fill me
As the waters fill the sea;
Him exalting, self abasing,
This is victory.

May I run the race before me,
Strong and brave to face the foe,
Looking only unto Jesus
As I onward go.

May His beauty rest upon me,
As I seek the lost to win,
And may they forget the channel,
Seeing only Him.

Amos 5:13

I often have an opinion…about everything. It seems like I either love something or I hate it.(Which is funny., because I can’t hardly stand the word “hate” being spoken out loud ~ if that makes any sense.) It took awhile to realize that I was like this. It is funny how things in life tend to make some of my personality traits very evident to me. Am I going to change because of my new found revelation? No, I will not. But one thing I will change is how I respond. Looking back, there are some moments that have been proud of the way I have respond to difficult situations. But that is not always the case. Many times, when my expectations are not met, I find myself letting others know about it.

I read the book of James a lot! It has so many verses having to deal with the tongue. In BSF last week I came across the verse Amos 5:13 “Therefore, the prudent man keeps quiet in such times, for the times are evil”. I want to be a “prudent woman” I want to be a woman of Godly character. My prayer today is just that, and God’s wisdom on when to speak my opinions and when to keep my mouth shut!:)

Simple Joys of Life...

I had a great day yesterday! Did anything momentous happen? No, just the everyday pleasures of life. My boss bought my lunch (again). Orange Chicken from 5 Spice! My Fav! On my way home from work I was able to talk to a wonderful friend. (I know I should not talk on my cell phone and drive, but anyways) I am just reminded of how blessed I am to have the friends that I have. Two of my best friends live in Alabama and Indiana. Praise Lord for unlimited mobile to mobile!:) To top off my day yesterday was Awana. I work with the 4th grade girls. What I blast! We had 16girls & 6 leaders last night! So, every girl got plenty of attention and help. What a blessing! It was POX night, which meant the girls got to put dots on us for every page they completed. They worked very hard. As you can see…

Last night as I walked in to my apartment alone, I felt such a peace, and contentment. I know that God is using me. That is the true desire of my heart. My life my not be exciting to many but I love it, and would not have it any other way!

Well it is Wednesday...

Well, it is Wednesday, the second one of 2009. Wow, what happen to 2008? Really, It seems as though 08 went by in the blink of an eye. Right now I am looking back and looking ahead. I am a planner! I love to have things mapped out. I truly enjoy sitting down with calendar and filling it up with activities. I enjoy seeing what am I going to be doing next week, next month, next year....But I am learning some things you just don't and can't plan for. Such as a fun day playing in the snow with my nephews, a crazy fun game of domino's with family and friends, an long phone conversation with a friend, or the death of a grandmother.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have had a rough past several years. Last year was better, but there were still sometimes in it that were hard. Cancer in family members, deaths in the family and so on. What I am finding out in life is that life is short and precious. I truly want to savor every moment. I do not want to look back on my life and have any regrets. Sure, I have some, we all do. But I want my life to be a testomony of what the Lord can do. I want my words and actions to bring glory to God. I am realizing that it is ok to be still sometimes (even though it is hard for me).

I don't know if anyone other that myself will ever read any of this but that is OK.
I just thought It would be fun to keep a blog, and to go back and read the changes that have occured in my life. I have been so blessed even in the "trials" of life.

Here are some blessings that I have in my life...
*My family
*A great job
*Wonderful friends
*The ability to laugh even in the hard times.:)
*BSF
*My 4th grade Sunday School Class
*Football (even though the Colts are out of the playoffs)